Today’s topic will be very rambling and is a bit hard to write. I also say a few things that could be taken as a bit offensive.
In short, I’ve just been really busy and somewhat uninspired/lackluster. I started a new job back in December, and I love it, but we generally work over lunch and the commute is about an hour and a half each way. I do take the train for some of the time, so I could use the time for blogging, but I just haven’t wanted to read blogs and I don’t like writing blog posts on my phone. Usually, I’m reading books, learning foreign languages, or playing Pokemon.
With the twelve hours I’m gone, I also can’t photograph anything in daylight during the week, and I’ve had a few weekends of unlucky overcast weather and again being busy and out during the day. I do want to get an actual lighting setup in the future, but I have other priorities for my money.
I also have to say that I’m just at a point in my life where my love for beauty is getting bogged down by the small stuff while I’m prioritizing other interests a little bit more. I already mentioned other stuff I’m interested in above, but I also am trying to make more time for actually exercising, learning the guitar, and getting back into writing fictional stories (writing my second full novel manuscript and the first one I’m actually proud of by the end of 2017 seems like a good goal). I am stretching myself very thin, and all the extra stuff in beauty blogging feels overwhelmingly extra. I’m lucky if I actually manage to remove my makeup at night, let alone do my entire night skincare routine. I looked at my face in the mirror last week, and realized that I HATED my current makeup style/routine.
Here’s the thing. Up until about a month before I started this blog, I never really knew that the beauty community existed other than a few old, pixellated Youtube videos and like three beauty bloggers. I’d done crazy makeup that I’d liked and didn’t care what other people thought. I also didn’t know anyone else who would wear a full face of makeup and could influence my style (I went to a college that was 70% male and a complete nerd school where over half the girls didn’t even own any makeup). I fell hard into the community and the trends because all of a sudden, there were tons of people creating beautiful content. But in 2017, I’ve grown very cynical – it’s mostly all makeup done in one of two styles. Either it’s samesy Instagram makeup that isn’t really my style, or it’s doing the same three simple steps, day-in, day-out. I wonder how anyone can actually think one style looks good (especially for real life, day-to-day makeup), and wonder how the people of the other don’t poke their eyes out from boredom on the third day. Finding and enjoying blogs that I do honestly like and appreciate feels more like hard work because of the so many that don’t impress me.
I’ve also always been about creating quality content on my blog and giving detailed reviews and tutorials that actually have more than a list of products used. I try to better my blog through improving my photos and cross-promoting my blog. Most of that is actually very hard or uninteresting to me, and it turns doing something I love into a chore. I’ve had so many blog posts completely written but just abandoned and trashed because I never get around to editing or even just uploading photos. As I write this, I have Photoshop open with all the images for a haul post of stuff I bought back in December. Said images have been up and open on my computer for the past three or four weeks.
So now both the content of my blog and the act of blogging itself aren’t enjoyable. Should I force myself to put out sub-par content simply in order to keep my blog going instead of making myself happy? Do I expand my blog to include other topics like book reviews, or do I simply take an extended blogging break? They’re important questions to me, because I want what’s best for me mentally and emotionally, and also what’s best for my blog. They’re also questions that I feel like I should explain to all of my readers because changes will undoubtedly be coming in one form or another.
I want to thank all of you for supporting my blog and reading through the end of this post despite being pretty serious compared to my usual content.